A couple of weeks ago I participated in Sonya Sophia’s Inner Goddess Workshop where she gave us exercises on how to listen to our intuition, reclaim our power as women, the basics of EFT, how to tap and how to receive compliments.
To be honest, this isn’t an issue I suffer from because I LOVE getting compliments and feel so honored and blessed when strangers on the street take their time to come over to me and compliment my hair, make up or colorful outfits. It makes me want to do a happy dance
This week the oldest son of my colleague (he’s 8) reminded me of the fact that so many people struggle to accept compliments and say thank you. He said something I didn’t like so I was talking to him about it. He looked at me, said I was right and said he wouldn’t do it. (he’s like a mini adult, never seen kids take it so well!!). Later on as I complimented him on something he turned his back on my because he felt awkward to receive compliments. I thought it was funny so I started giving more compliments and he started to ‘act out’. When it came to ‘criticism’ it was easy for him to deal with it, but he totally lost it when I said something nice.
How many times have you rejected a compliment from someone because you felt they didn’t mean it, it was a lie or simply because you think you’re not pretty or good enough?
Sincere VS False Compliments
One of the students asked if a compliment loses its value if it’s not sincere. Sonya said it shouldn’t matter because if it was a criticism you would feel bad about it all day, even if it was false. Sounds familiar? So if a criticism (true or false) could ruin your whole day, why not accept a compliment for what it is, and let that brighten your whole day? We can receive 10 compliments in a day and let 1 mean remark ruin that whole score simply because we allow it.
Before when I was insecure and my gratitude attitude was untrained this would happen to me too. Now when something bad happens or someone says something mean (which now rarely happens!), I start counting my blessings and what I’m grateful for (I find the app Secret of Happiness very useful for this!) Doing this on a regular basis has helped me shift my focus on the positive which now manifests more in my life. Yeah happy vibes!
How To Receive Compliments
Receiving compliments is also a skill you need to learn if saying ‘Thank you’ is not your automatic response. Physically we might reject it, our initial response might be ‘you’re lying’ but none of this matters because you can change it! So here are five quick tips on how you can make it easier for yourself to accept compliments:
1. Become aware of your behavior when receiving compliments I’m sure you have something you do every time like shrug if off, or saying ‘no it’s not’ or something else. Try becoming aware of what you do because acknowledging the problem behavior is the first step to changing it.
2. Breathe First Now that you’ve spotted what behavior you display when receiving compliments stop & breathe first. Do something to break the pattern before you start acting upon it. Don’t worry if to the other person it looks like you’re taking ages to reply we’re trying to break a destructive pattern here!
Taking a breathe also gives you the chance about what to do next.
3. Say Thank You Sound simple? It is! Train yourself to say ‘thank you’ first. Even if you don’t believe it. Grateful people attract more of that what they’re thankful for so prepare for a whole lot of compliments
4. Return the compliment Only if you have something nice and honest to say. Since rejecting the compliment has been a pattern (for years) returning the compliment can become a positive alternative until you learn to accept the compliment completely.
5. Write Down The Compliments You Receive Sometimes we don’t think highly of ourselves. We all have our lows and having a ‘compliments journal’ is a powerful tool to have as it reminds us of our qualities and we all can use some words of encouragement when we’re feeling blue. The act of writing them down will also install these compliments in your subconscious and therefore make you more comfortable in accepting them. At some point you will also want to fill your pages so you’ll find compliments everywhere
Accepting Compliments Makes Others Happy
I’ve given compliments to people who couldn’t ‘accept’ it and it made me feel sad. It felt like giving a present to a person who didn’t like it. Giving compliments to people who are grateful for it feels so good because they’re positive reaction fuels my positive feelings and makes me want to compliment them more!
So think about this, by shutting down compliments you basically close the door to them because once you did that with a person, he/she will think 3 times before giving you another one because nobody likes to feel rejected, especially when they’re doing something nice for you.
Give Compliments to Strangers
Still doubting whether this is true? Then let me give you an assignment
The coming week, give a compliment to a stranger. Pick one or spot something you like about them and tell them. Seeing how happy they become because of it, will make you feel good. If the opposite happens (and you happen to also reject compliments) you will feel how the other person feels when they compliment you and you shrug it off. And don’t be scared to do it, strangers are just people!
I used to be really bad at giving compliments. I would think it, let’s say that somebody is wearing a beautiful jacket, but I wouldn’t pronounce it out loud. Don’t know why actually but since I know I love receiving compliments I actively started giving compliments as well because it feels good to do so plus people need to hear what’s beautiful about them If you have the same issue, try giving 1 compliment per day and start from there